That's right, you read it correctly, what with half a dozen amateur blogs posting their own reviews and TNP sportsdesk publishing their daily drivel I thought it's time the world sees a proper one so here goes.

ARSENAL

Every year since Arsene Wenger decided to let an ageing Patrick Vieira leave for Juve, the start of the season always revolves around who is going to replace Arsenal in the top 4. And every year since Paddy left, the only team who has dropped out of the Top 4 is Liverpool. I am absolutely numb to these imbeciles, and my impression of anyone who ever thinks that will happen always drops to sub-Chen Weilian levels, and that is saying a fuck lot.

Wenger seems set on 4-3-3, after being heavily influenced by Barca's successes last season. I've always wanted to see a change in system, and this seems like a masterstroke. We have an abundance of mobile attacking players, and this change will give us plenty of options. There is really no point trying to fit players into a 4-4-2 when you put Diaby on the left but the best thing his left leg can do is to trip over his right.

Predictions:

1. Will reach at least 2 semi-finals again.
2. Will win Carling Cup unless Man Utd get desperate and field seniors in it
3. Arshavin will be immense
4. Song will get a red card against City for annihilating Adebayor

MANCHESTER UNITED

Man United, without that cocky motherfucker Ronaldo and the dogged pressing of Tevez, will inevitably suffer. Valencia and Owen willl no doubt cushion the blow, but you can only sell the best player in the world and not feel the difference if you buy the second best player in the world. Valencia is not and will never be, so expect Man United to stutter at the start.

That said, I predict Fergie will tweak his game plan. Tevez won't be missed, his finishing is as good as his looks, and Owen, who can score with TigerAirways-like service at Newcastle, will certainly get more goals than Tevez at United. I've always wondered if Tevez's primary ability was to a)play football, or b) make defenders laugh and then pounce on their mistakes, and until now I'm still leaning towards (b).

Predictions:

1. Owen will prove to be a good buy
2. Rooney will ear-fuck Berbatov for being lazy
3. They will field seniors in the Carling Cup in a desperate bid for Silverware

LIVERPOOL

I really don't know how Liverpool will cope with the loss of Xabi Alonso. He's such a vital clog in their gameplan. Lucas can try as hard as he can, but it says a lot when he's Brazilian and heading is his best ability. Unless Aquilani adapts quickly and stays injury-free, and that is as likely as Wolverine not impaling anything threatening, I don't expect them to better last season. I'm serious.

Predictions:

1. Torres will be top scorer in the league
2. Lucas will be kidnapped by fans and not returned until end of season
3. Benitez will try to mindgames with Fergie and both will come to blows in the fixture at Anfield

CHELSEA

Chelsea look the most credible title challengers. They haven't lost any key players, and in Drogba, who has the ability to piss anyone including himself off, they retained one of the best strikers in the game. I've always thought highly of Carlo Ancelotti, he strikes me as a brilliant tactician. PLUS HE SMOKES DURING GAMES. With a very experienced and talented squad, this should be their year.

That said, the team that will pose the biggest problems(not threat, simply because the top 4 are not under threat), will undoubtedly be Man Sheik-ty. The last time Chelsea spent like City, they broke into the top 2 under Claudio Ranieri. Mark Hughes, given time, will bring City up, but this is not their year, yet. With the likes of Toure, Robinho, Tevez, Adefuckyormother, Barry and the mercurial Stephen Ireland, they will cause problems.

And also, people need to stop pointing out the imbalance in City because they have a lot of good strikers. To be able to challenge for honors means having world class strikers. Bellamy world class? Don't make me laugh. Caicedo, Benjani and Bojinov world class? Please tickle my belly button. Robinho, Santa Cruz, Adebayor and Tevez will be the mainstayers. Hughes doesn't have to accommodate all the strikers. He doesn't need to come up with a master tactic to bring the best out of everyone. Fuck, he doesn't even need to pick them.

Depending on the 4 world-class and proven strikers will be more than enough. Stop harping on his purchases. Hughes was with Manchester  United, he knows what it takes to win titles, and that means not being satisfied with Caicedo and Benjani leading the lines. Do you honestly expect Bellamy's goals to fire them to the success they crave? Fuck me.

But, with all else remaining constant, and City doesn't go ape-shit and signs the entire Brazil national team, Rooney doesn't break his leg while wrestling Berbatov because he is so pissed off with the latter's laziness, Arsenal's youngsters don't suddenly go through an accelerated puberty process and Stephen Hunt doesn't crack Petr Cech's skull again, the top 4 will be, yes you head it here first:

1. Chelsea
2. Arsenal
3. Man Utd
4. Liverpool


Anyways I just bought a pair of adiPure II. Haven't been this excited since Jo bought me Football Manager 2009. Can't wait to play for Saints FC next Sunday and feeling the awesome-ness of my new boots. WOOHOOHOO.